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When I was a first year at the University of Virginia, I was fascinated with frat boys.  One night, this guy who reminds me a lot of Steven Bost invited me upstairs to his bedroom. We stumbled through the darkness onto his couch.

He shoved his tongue down my throat and thrust his hand down my tank top. I asked him if he had any condoms. He turned on the light to find some protection, and I realized we were making out against a wall with a huge Rebel flag.

I was seventeen.

I thought he was going to lynch me.

So, I started yelling and ran into the hallway half dressed.

Others starting poking their heads out of other bedrooms.

He ran after me and tried to explain.

In his fraternity, each pledge is assigned a big brother. When the big brother graduates, he gives his little brother something he cherishes.

His big brother gave him his rebel flag.

So, I made him press his palms against his Southern pride flag while I shoved Budweiser long necks up his ass.

Ok, that last part was a lie.

Anywho, when I met Steven with his Georgia drawl, tight body, and Redneck rhetoric, I was aroused.

He’s very ticklish. His size is OUTSTANDING. He smiles and shyly gazes in my eyes when he is inside me. He holds me at night after drunk dialing his baby’s mama seven times.

And, he wants to settle down one on one with someone.

And, that’s not my bag.

So, I decided to post a craigslist ad for him.

(craigslist ad for a friend in Charlottesville, Virginia)

(man in search of woman, dating, romance, long term relationship, Charlottesville, Virginia)

(if he sounds interesting, let me know, and i will connect you.)

(if you would like me to write one for you, let me know.)

TITLE: want me to paint you a birmingham?


I just moved to Charlottesville about two months ago, and I still haven’t found myself a private tour guide.

I am a simple guy from Jackson County, Georgia. One of my new friends told me I remind her of Josh Lucas’ character from Sweet Home Alabama. I just smiled and told her just cause I talk slow, doesn’t mean I think slow.

I want a sweet, kind, woman who is interested in settling down.

I have a lot of things I need to get accomplished like finding a place to live.

I just found a great job, and I don’t have anyone with which to celebrate my success.

But, I hope I can find a woman to believe in me and give me a hug and smile when I get down about how hard it is to get things done in a new place far from home.

Please put a local Charlottesville attraction you would like to show me in your response’s subject line to weed out spam.

Thank you kindly for taking time to read my ad.

I look forward to being the man you need me to be.

Night, night. Sweet dreams and say your prayers.

Love ya bunches.

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