the caucasion herd stampeding past the rotunda

01 Thursday Mar 2012

Posted by veronicahaunanifitzhugh in Poetry

Tags

hunger, jocks, of, rotunda, runners, strike, the, topless, university, UVA, virginia

I have found that people who run in circles slow enough to be able to speak in complete sentences say profoundly dumb things.

Sweaty glistened,

defined rippling,

pale bone;

brain swivels,

mouth jeers,

“i hate those people!”

“i hate those people too!”

a jock chorus,

“booooooo!”

question of the day screeched,

“when you suck each other’s dicks, is it still easy to yell boo?”

brain and eyes snap forward.

they run from me.

they gave up on 12th night

01 Thursday Mar 2012

Posted by veronicahaunanifitzhugh in Articles

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

13, charlottesville, conclusion, hunger, of, strike, university, UVA, va, virginia

“I was thinking that it might do some good. If we robbed the Senate and took all their food.”

So, I am very busy and self absorbed.

So, I made a system.

If someone needs help and can sustain their activity toward self or world improvement for 13 consecutive days. I show up willing to help with all my power and creativity.

Why 13?

13 is supposed to be unlucky.

I was born on September 13.

The 13th step in recovery is naughty and not suggested.

It takes two weeks or 14 days to create a habit.

It takes me about two weeks to find resources for my projects.

So, on day 13 of the UVA Living Wage hunger strike, I showed up.

I had a plan and needed bodies to go all over grounds taking all the edible contents of all the University’s Department kitchens and possibly Carr’s Hill leaving in the food’s place quotes Ghandi had spoken during his hunger strikes.

The food would be placed on the Rotunda steps behind the hunger strikers.

I knew Spring Break was coming, so I found people to donate sleeping bags and tents, so the students could camp out in my back yard until they were allowed to return to the dorms.

I showed up thirty minutes before the 13th hour of the 13th day.

No one approached me or said hello until my friend Frank from Occupy came over and hugged me.

I divulged my plan. He told me he wasn’t sure if anyone was still on strike.

I approached the leaders and asked about the strike status.

And, the last hunger striker had Chinese the night before.

So, I left and went to Holy Comforter’s lunch soup kitchen.

Steven Bost, Southern Gentleman?

29 Wednesday Feb 2012

Posted by veronicahaunanifitzhugh in Professional Ads

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Tags

charlottesville, country, craigslist, dating, frat, interracial, monogamy, redneck, relationship, romance, sex, UVA, va, virginia

http://charlottesville.craigslist.org/m4w/2864152209.html

When I was a first year at the University of Virginia, I was fascinated with frat boys. One night, this guy who reminds me a lot of Steven Bost invited me upstairs to his bedroom. We stumbled through the darkness onto his couch.

He shoved his tongue down my throat and thrust his hand down my tank top. I asked him if he had any condoms. He turned on the light to find some protection, and I realized we were making out against a wall with a huge Rebel flag.

I was seventeen.

I thought he was going to lynch me.

So, I started yelling and ran into the hallway half dressed.

Others starting poking their heads out of other bedrooms.

He ran after me and tried to explain.

In his fraternity, each pledge is assigned a big brother. When the big brother graduates, he gives his little brother something he cherishes.

His big brother gave him his rebel flag.

So, I made him press his palms against his Southern pride flag while I shoved Budweiser long necks up his ass.

Ok, that last part was a lie.

Anywho, when I met Steven with his Georgia drawl, tight body, and Redneck rhetoric, I was aroused.

He’s very ticklish. His size is OUTSTANDING. He smiles and shyly gazes in my eyes when he is inside me. He holds me at night after drunk dialing his baby’s mama seven times.

And, he wants to settle down one on one with someone.

And, that’s not my bag.

So, I decided to post a craigslist ad for him.

(craigslist ad for a friend in Charlottesville, Virginia)

(man in search of woman, dating, romance, long term relationship, Charlottesville, Virginia)

(if he sounds interesting, let me know, and i will connect you.)

(if you would like me to write one for you, let me know.)

TITLE: want me to paint you a birmingham?

Howdy!

I just moved to Charlottesville about two months ago, and I still haven’t found myself a private tour guide.

I am a simple guy from Jackson County, Georgia. One of my new friends told me I remind her of Josh Lucas’ character from Sweet Home Alabama. I just smiled and told her just cause I talk slow, doesn’t mean I think slow.

I want a sweet, kind, woman who is interested in settling down.

I have a lot of things I need to get accomplished like finding a place to live.

I just found a great job, and I don’t have anyone with which to celebrate my success.

But, I hope I can find a woman to believe in me and give me a hug and smile when I get down about how hard it is to get things done in a new place far from home.

Please put a local Charlottesville attraction you would like to show me in your response’s subject line to weed out spam.

Thank you kindly for taking time to read my ad.

I look forward to being the man you need me to be.

Night, night. Sweet dreams and say your prayers.

Love ya bunches.

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#TNT Sex in a Bucket

28 Tuesday Feb 2012

Posted by veronicahaunanifitzhugh in #TNT, Love Method

≈ 17 Comments

Tags

black, charlottesville, Colbert, country, DeNiro, documentary, erotica, food, Gillian, naked, Oprah, Playboy, UVA, virginia

http://charlottesville.craigslist.org/cas/2877599288.html

Gillian Colbert of Black Door Press has declared February 28th “Bare your sexul soul day.”

Since, I get turned on having all of this familiar and anonymous attention focused on my creative love lit, of course I will rise to the challenge of baring my sexual soul’s hopes.

Here’s my Top Twenty Sex in a Bucket List

1. Tongue kiss Robert DeNiro.

2. Go on a long drive all over Afton Mountain while giving my (not so) secret Charlottesville crush road head.

3. Solve the mystery if my (not so) secret Charlottesville crush’s rug matches his orange red drapes.

4. Appear on the cover of O magazine nude or topless.

5. Start a plus size clothing line called Naked Lady.

6. Re-invent romantic and erotic writing with my own publishing house called Red Paperclip Press.

7. Get an endorsement deal with a vibrator company that supports cervical cancer research and sexual abuse prevention.

8. Get a gothic V tattoo in the middle of my chest while the tattoo artist fucks me.

9. Stay at the bed and breakfast on Main Street and live out the fantasy of an all white night… a white knight, dozens of white roses, white satin sheets, strawberries dipped in white chocolate, white feathers, white blindfold, white silk lingerie, and white rabbit fur flogger.

10. Fuck my husband’s brain out, make him taste it as he’s dying, and become a widow on my wedding night.

11. Have one of my fans tattoo or brand “lick my literary legacy” in his or her pubic area.

12. Make Mitt Romney say, “Please let me suck your pink patriarchy,” and commence eating my pink glitter strap-on.

13. Go to a party only in exotic body paint.

14. Be a naked dessert tray at a party.

15. Be the centerfold and write the copy for an issue of Playboy.

16. Be the sexual or love interest that inspires an original country song hit.

17. Get a lucrative erotica or romance book deal.

18. Sell my Faust romantic comedy series idea called “Burning Boiling Water” to the Food Network.

19. Do a follow up documentary of the current lives of the prostitutes featured in the documentary The Chicken Ranch.

20. Create a literary and visual art series called Safe Sex illustrating twisted, sexual activities that have zero chance of ending in impregnation or sexual infection.

What’s your top twenty?