One of my lovers is in pain tonight. He cannot see or talk to his two young children for a long time.
I flashed to the heart breaking Benjamin Button story where Brad Pitt writes his daughter during his exile from her. He writes to her on her first day of school, her prom, and her first heart break…
He never sends his daughter these letters. Her mother gives them to her long after he is dead on her death bed.
I realized, then, how the daughter must have felt a rush of love in a place she may have not realized was empty.
Feeling abandoned by a parent can really haunt a person.
So, to receive evidence of life long devotion from afar must have been so healing.
So, I asked my lover if he liked to write. He said no.
Then, I remembered how he loved looking over my shoulder when I browse the loads of online photo galleries and blogs.
I told him I could teach him how to set up a blog of pictures of things he wanted to share with his children. Then, when he is reunited with his children, he could show them this gift that he has been preparing during their time apart.
He is in so much pain right now, he is not in a place of giving gifts and living in hope for a reuniting.
Instead, he is in a space of hatred for his children’s mother and wanting to numb out instead of dealing with the pain of his loss.
He is shut down.
I cannot help him.
So, I just type with him next to me, keeping him company, and giving him space.
Also, I realize I have extreme faith that I will soon encounter men who will love, challenge, surprise, and mystify me.
So, I better start showing them how much I adore them.
All of my pieces are an exploration with the goals of being a better lover and amplifying my love.
But, these incredible men deserve specific recognition.
So, each day I will devote at least one blog post “To My Dearest” (#TMD).